Just in Time for SwimSuit Season! The Post that Started it All.
I have been wanting to create a body positivity blog for almost a year now, and I did it! Yay, it's baby's first post! Cheer for me! This whole thing is just to get compliments anyway.
I'm joking, that's what I do. Writing about this whole eating disorder recovery thing, especially the aspects that I'm around of, makes me feel very vulnerable. I feel like I'm compliemtning myself, so I have to make a joke about how vain I am. It's almost a reflex at this point. BUT, I'm working on it, and thank you for your support. I love you so damn much.
Right, let's get to the muse for this whole thing. Last 4th of July, I went to a pool party. The weeks preceding it were anxiety riddled, body-dismorphicly induced self-loathing filled, awful, terrible dark days. I posted the photo above to facebook (that's me in the blue one-piece) with this caption:
"I, like so many women, have struggled with an eating disorder. I know that I am not overweight, in fact I know that I am thin. The letters "XS" appear very frequently in my closet. I know that I meet many of society's standards of what my body should look like, and for that I am tremendously privileged. But at the end of the day, I stay away from anything that even suggests water attire, avoiding my friends and family, because I truly cannot imagine a worse, more vulnerable, more mentally painful place to put myself. And I'll even go as far to say that I sometimes wish that it were society telling me to be different, instead of myself telling me to be different."
The post goes on and I won't bore you with the entire thing as I can be quite longwinded, but the sum of it is I HAD AN AMAZING TIME AT THE PARTY. We ate, drank, were merry, and no one cared what I looked like.
After I posted that, I expected some likes, maybe some fluffy "you're beautiful!" comments, and that would be that. What actually happened was really cool. I was messaged by two separate people who thanked me for the post because they suffer from swimsuit anxiety, and they think the exact same negative thoughts, too. As it so happens, these women are the ones that I wish I looked like when I'm standing in front of my full-length mirror. I then got another message from someone who thanked me because they assumed that I was happy with my body and would love pool parties, I was the person they wished they looked like when they're standing in front of their full length mirror.
Afterwards, we all shared our stories and experiences with eating disorders/diet culture/whatever it may be, and we felt a lot better! We were stronger for it! We ARE STILL stronger for it, and I would love to keep that conversation going.
How about you? How are you getting ready for swimsuit season?